Post-Modern Debate: The VP Clash in Poetic Form

[Editor’s Note: Psyched about about Mittens and Barry this evening? As an homage to American political culture, Pavement, and poet John Ashbery, ToM’s Clement Lime offers up his poetic take on the Biden-Ryan fracas.  Constructed from gchat conversations about the VP debate and in the style of Ashbery’s legendary work The Tennis Court Oath, the poem will hopefully spark the inner politico in all of us.]

What channel are you watching the debate on?

CNN
PBS
CSPAN bitches,

Biden leads with the grin!

White, long haired, erotic.

I speak for myselves, post-sober, or mice elves. I’m drunk on Paul Ryan workout photos!
You all mind if I just listen to DJ Screw records all night instead?

Someone with some moral courage

You are a total buzzkill
The worssssst
I consider myself the Joe Biden of the internet

Them teeth are dope

Biden is going hard
Throw Ryan’s economic ideology?
Ryan bears a striking resemblance to Eddie Munster

Paul Ryan does p90x and the asylum workout at the same time, he can do anything
Can we please stop talking shit about Ryan
HE’S RIGHT HERE

I LOVE VETERANS AND YOUR SON

I’m going on facebook
told ya post-politics

One of my friends is on a raw vegan diet

THIS LECTURE ON EMBASSY SECURITY FUCKING SUCKS!

Yum…. i could go for a malarkey sandwich

What exactly are my odds when I “bet against America”? I mean should I parlay this with a bet for Mongolia?

Mongolia’s actually looking good on intrade

Do not apologize for our values
Drone attacks

Neoliberalism

Randian objectivism
Protein shakes
Oh gosh yes, let’s apologize

His pin is huge

‘READ MY PINS”
My flag is bigger than yours
Your flag is puny and, yes, flaccid

Joe Biden keeps laughing his ass off
The Iraq War is what’s boosted Iran’s power in the region.
not true
yes true
Obama’s Islamist inclinations did
Heard it at a panel at AEI last week

“I don’t want to go into classified stuff”
“Not gonna do it”

Classified being my workout schedule this week

What, I ask, does the Ayatollah see?
Starving children

THIS IS A BUNCH OF STUFF
Bibi and Obama have been in an open relationship

They let Biden watch

What my opponent is overlooking is the importance of nuking the bastards

You misunderstood me

You misunderestimated me
I think you are underwhelming
I will nuke the unemployment rate

Biden is going HAM!

Biden with the arms!!
The Laugh!
“Who is this guy, amiright amiright?”

5 points
Energy independent by tomorrow!
Make more shit
No taxes

“Mitt Romney’s a car guy!”
His wife’s got 3!!

Bullshit you can believe in

“I hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.” – Jean-Ralphio

Whatchoo talkin bout willis?
GOD DAMN
Windmills in China!

Ryan’s hair has natural shellacogenic qualities

Old people run the show people.

The specter of Sarah Palin!

Don’t take up all the 4 minutes!

Let me give you a discourse on inequality

Small businesses are people too

Cut taxes

I think Obama’s milk joke at the state of the union is by far the worst ever

Paul Ryan is from canada?
He was born in Kenya

Its not math, it’s MAGIC, Biden.

Bi partisan- they don’t know the  definition of BI PARTISAN

They confuse it with bisexual and we know how that goes

Only Congressional pages

Do they give reacharounds across the aisle? Reacharounds to nowhere?

Ooh, I like this moderator.

Yeah she’s boss
Rick Ross

Had to pay the cost to see the boss

FINALLY
WERE GONNA TALK WAR
Rontanamo bay
Afghanistanimation

it’s like an imaginafghanenactment

We don’t want to stay, we want to Build bigger tanks that will stay.

“One of my best friends in Janesville …”

“There was this girl in Niagara Falls once..”

“I met this girl from Nantucket”

Do you think the Afghan Whigs regret their name know or celebrate it?
now

EMPOWER THEM

I’ve memorized lots of place names
I can name more places in Afghanistan than you!

Zora, Schenectady, Sheboygan…
Sheboygan… sausage factory of the midwest

Sheboygan… total sausage fest

You open your markets
Free market!
Bingo.

Free market bingo!

More tanks.
That sounds like a fun game
I need more tanks.
Will tanks be available on the market?

“Smokey this is not Vietnam, this is bowling. There are rules.”

Paul Ryan is a lot like Liz Lemon’s agent

So there are no actual Christians in this election
A Muslim a Mormon and two Catholics
Obama
My faith informs my vagina.
It informs mine

No way you can see a heartbeat in 7 weeks

I need some alligator tears.
or dead baby fetuses

How about an alligator with tears and a baby fetus?

Closing statements!

As a man, i will give sweet, sweet loving to this nation
I will caress your Anglo Saxon brow

We need a math Nazi.

HOPE AND CHANGE!

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